When Is Teen Anxiety More Than Just Stress?

Is it stress or anxiety? The Million-Dollar, Pit in Your Stomach, Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep Question. It can be difficult for adults to tell the difference between the two when they feel it themselves, and even more difficult to pinpoint in your teenagers.

To get a grip on what’s happening in your teen’s mind, the first thing to look for is the cause. Is there a specific circumstance or event consuming their mind? If so, is their concern proportionate to the significance of the event? For example, it’s pretty normal to be consumed with the fear of letting your team down at the state track meet or worry about reaching a certain ACT score. It’s more concerning if your teen is obsessing over what they wear to school every day, what they will serve for lunch in the cafeteria, or they will fail a class after making a B on a homework assignment. In order to get this right, you need to do your best to put yourself in the shoes of your teenager. A state track meet might not seem like a big deal to you, but it could mean everything to your teen.

Some behaviors to look for in heightened moments of stress might be changes in eating and sleeping habits, irritability, isolation, hopelessness, loss of interest in recreational activities, or self-stimulatory behavior. More often than not, normal stress will pass once the event, or the stressor, has passed. If you can’t pinpoint a stressor, or if the abnormal behaviors continue once the stressor ends, then your teen is probably dealing with some sort of anxiety.

It’s also important to look at your teen’s responses to these emotions. Stress can be highly motivating, causing teens to put in more practice time or study hours. Anxiety can be debilitating. People often respond to anxiety by avoiding the stressor all together, so watch out for teens dropping out of activities that they typically enjoy or putting little to no effort into schoolwork that they typically care about.

It’s easy to notice when your teen stops putting forth effort, but it’s just as important to notice when they are putting in too much. Perfectionism is another sign of anxiety that parents often miss because it looks like dedication, and what parent doesn’t love to see their kid dedication to something? Remember, it’s great for your child to want to succeed- it’s another thing entirely if they start to believe that their life is over if they don’t succeed.

In summary, here are three key components to look for when determining if your teen is struggling with normal stress or anxiety.
The Cause: Is there a clear event tied to their feelings, or is it a vague threat for their future?
The Duration: Does the stress end when the event is over? If it is persistent, it is anxiety.
The Response: Is your teen motivated or discouraged? Don’t forget to account for perfectionism as a response too.

Here’s the truth- just because you know how to differentiate between stress and anxiety, doesn’t

mean your teen will give you all the information necessary to determine what is going on in their minds. There are a handful of reasons that kids don’t come to their parents with their feelings. They may not know how to verbalize their emotions, they may be afraid of your response, or they may want to prove to you that they can handle it on their own. If this is the case in your home, then don’t be afraid to ask questions. If you can’t get any answers, then do what you can to stay tuned in to their life. Be a chauffeur, a chef, or a maid if it means you get to be close to your kid. You may be surprised by the moment they choose to confide in you about their life.

The world is going to place both stress and anxiety onto your child. Remember that it is not your job to take the stress off their shoulders or protect them from the anxiety that they will inevitably feel. It is your job to show them that they are strong humans who are capable of handling stress and anxiety. You do this by modeling stress management in your own life, confronting your personal anxiety head on, and leaving the door open for transparent conversations regarding those emotions.

Through the tumultuous teenage years, your child is bound to experience stress and anxiety. Do your best to be a place of peace and security for your teen. There will be millions of people who tell them they are not good enough. They need to know that even if they get last place or flunk the test or fall flat on their face, there will always be a place for them at home.